wanderoveryonderfandomcom-20200223-history
The Picnic/Transcript
(Episode opens by showing a moon planet amongst several other planets, on top of it is some sort of gold pyramid-like tower) (Zoom in on Lord Hater) Lord Hater: You're too late, Emperor Awesome! The universe, will soon be MINE! (he looks at the planets aligning above him and laughs) (Camera pans over to Emperor Awesome, he's half shark half strong dude) Awesome: Yeah, right, bro. I'm takin' you all the way down to Awesome Town. (Widen to reveal his battle dinosaur) Fire Breath! (The dinosaur releases fire from its mouth but misses Lord Hater) Lord Hater: You fool! Don't you see, once a millennium, the planets of this galaxy align, over this very spot! And today, the one most worthy to stand here, is none other than I, Lord – Wander: (calling in the distance) Hater! Is that you? (Lord Hater looks at him) It's me, Wander! (Close up of him) Are you here to watch the planets align, too? Look! (takes off his hat and takes a picnic basket out, singsong) I even packed a piiicniiiiic! (Zoom back out on Lord Hater as the episode's title appears in the sky, freeze-frame) Lord Hater: (Walks to the left, covering Wander) Soon, at the precise moment, of the cosmic conjunction – Wander: Hater!! You remember me, right? Lord Hater: (Walks to the right) At the precise moment, of the cosmic conjunction, a celestial star being, of infinite power, shall come forth – Wander: I travel the galaxy, I'm about this tall, wear a hat, and sometimes I make this face... (smiles) or this one... (smiles differently) or this... (smiles differently, Lord Hater gets steaming mad) or sometimes, if I'm feelin' really crazy... (makes another smile) Lord Hater: (walks to the left, talking fast) A star being of infinite power will come forth, and grant whoever stands here a single wish! (pants) And my wish will be, to control, the entire, universe Wander: Probably wondering where my best pal Sylvia is, huh? Lord Hater: (cringing) No! The sooner the star being, no I said that al – (facepalms) GOH! WHERE WAS I?! (Close up on Wander) Wander: She wanted to come, but she had to go to the bathroom! Zbornaks go only once every like, five months? Crazy, huh? She told me it takes a while, and it's kind of embarrassing. And so she doesn't want everybody knowin' about it, so she said: (imitating Sylvia) "Wander, don't go blabbin' like ya always do!" (stops, in normal voice) Oh. Lord Hater: I DON'T CARE! Wander: Where? Well, I don't know where she's goin' to the bathroom, around here somewhere! Why do ya wanna know? (at the camera, in deep voice) Weird. (normal voice) It's okay though, 'cause I promised her I'd take pictures! (takes out a camera) Smile! (takes picture) (Emperor Awesome and his army laugh) Awesome: Dude, text me that photo! (Lord Hater gets madder) Wander: Anywhoser, I'm gonna get outta your hair and find a good watchin' spot! Later, Hater! (he leaves) Peepers: (offscreen) Sir? Sir! SIRRRRRR! (Lord Hater leans over Peepers, who points toward Emperor Awesome, and Lord Hater looks that way) (Cut to Emperor Awesome) Emperor Awesome: I'm comin' for ya, Hatey! Fist Fighters, battle mix, track 17! (shows a Fist Fighter holding a boombox) Pump it! Let's get awesome! (They run down the crater) Lord Hater: Peepers, Flaming Skulls, NOW! Peepers: Already loaded, Sir. (Pan down to a set of skulls on catapults as they flame green) Let's get awesome! Lord Hater: Eeeexcelleeeent. Peepers: Now Sir, the trajectory is locked, so you need to hit the trigger exactly when Awesome's troops reach the bottom of the – Awesome, awesome! Lord Hater: Peepers! Are you telling me what to do?! Peepers: Of course not, sir! Carry on. (Lord Hater takes the remote) Emperor Awesome/Fist Fighters: Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Lord Hater: (has the remote) 10... Emperor Awesome: Oh, yeah! Lord Hater: 9... Emperor Awesome: Uh, uh, uh-uh. Let's get awesome! Lord Hater: 8... (Music suddenly stops) Wander: (offscreen) Whoa. (Camera pans over to show Wander trying to get down the crater. He does this for several seconds) Wander: Whoa-oh...ohhh...ohhh...eh...eh...eh...eh...eh...eh......eh...eh...eh... (He finally comes to a stop at a bump in the crater and puts his basket on it) Wander: Here we go! Picnic time! (He sits down on a rock and begins to open the basket – the wrong way, pulling on the locked lid. He sighs, then tries again) Wander: Hmm... (He pulls on the basket and shakes it. Close up on Lord Hater) Lord Hater: The latch. Oh, what are you – come on – (close up on the locked latch on the basket) just undo the latch? Please d – (Wander bites the lid) No, not the – what is he doing – (Wander rolls over) it is so obvious, you – (Wander pulls hard on the basket handle while his feet press up against it) Oh! Peepers: Sir! Lord Hater: Huh? Let's get awesome! (Emperor Awesome's army gets closer) Lord Hater: Ah! (quickly gets out remote, talking fast) 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! (presses remote) GO! (The catapults release the skulls, but they miss) Awesome, awesome! Awesome: Ha ha! Brick! (The Fist Fighters and the Watchdogs plow into each other, though the Fist Fighters keep winning) Emperor Awesome: (his dinosaur does said commands) Tail, tail, and laser! (A Wilhelm Scream is heard when he fires at the Watchdogs.) Lord Hater: (stammers) Wander: (offscreen) Oh, the latch! (click sound as he undoes latch) Silly me! Lord Hater: SERIOUSLY?! Peepers: Sir, don't worry. We still have Defense Protocol Epsilon X0973 Tesseract! (opens a case with a headset and power gauntlets) (Zoom out on Lord Hater, now wearing the gauntlets as they glow green. He fires them) Lord Hater: Hoo! Yah! (Two electrons fired from the gauntlets hit a robot in Hater's likeness. It comes to life, and imitates every motion Hater does) Lord Hater: Let's dance, fish man! (roars, robot poses) Awesome: Bro, do you even know how hard I slam? Dinosaur Charge! (Both robot and dinosaur plow into each other and fight) (Cut to Wander, holding his camera and watching the fight) Wander: I can't believe Sylvia's missing this! (Zoom out to reveal Wander's meal: fruit, cheese and bread. He takes a picture) Wander: (sees the fight) Well, that is just awful. (at the camera) I almost ate without offering to share! (shrugs and after a moment, sticks tongue out) (Cut back to the fight) Lord Hater/Robot: Ha ha ha! Noogie noogie noogie! Wander: Hey there, mister robot man! (holds up a sandwich) You want a sandwich? They're really good! Watchdog: (is eating a sandwich) He ain't lyin'. (A Fist Fighter kicks the Watchdog, camera shifts to Wander as the Watchdog flies over him while his eyes follow) Watchdog: IT'S LIGHT, YET FILLING! Wander: I know, right? (at the robot) Come on, I only have turkey left, but I'll let you piiiick! (repeatedly shows sandwiches) Mustard or mayo? Mustard or mayo? Mustard or mayo? Mustard or mayo? Mustard or mayo? Mustard or mayo? (Lord Hater gets steaming mad) Lord Hater/Robot: GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I DON'T! WANT! A SANDWICH! (Emperor Awesome's dinosaur tears the head off Lord Hater's, exposing wires and making it shut down and fall. The fall is so hard, it makes Wander bounce) Awesome: Boo-ya! (hand slaps a Fist Fighter) Awesome, awesome! (Cut to Wander as he lands) Wander: (puts a sandwich in the robot's hand) I'll just leave this here in case you change your mind. (walks off, whispers) It's the mustard. (He slips back and takes a photo of him in front of the malfunctioning wire board, camera shows the picture, he walks off) (Cut to Lord Hater, watching Wander) Peepers: Sir! SIR!!! SIRRRRRRR!!!!! Lord Hater: WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!? Peepers: (points up) That!! (Camera shows the planets are almost aligned) Peepers: And thaaat!!! (Camera shows Emperor Awesome's dinosaur and his army running up the tower) Awesome/Fist Fighters: Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome! (continues) Let's get awesome! Awesome: I'm comin' for ya, baby! (Lord Hater conjures up a green forcefield, blocking Emperor Awesome from entering) Lord Hater: Ha ha! Got forcefield? (zoom out to reveal the forcefield) Boo-ya! (The dinosaur falls over, but stands back up) Awesome: Bro, seriously, can we wrap this up? I have a tanning session in like, fifteen. Lord Hater: The cosmic conjunction is at end! Soon, the celestial being, will grant me my wish! And the universe, will, be, mine! Wander: (offscreen) Me, oh, my! (Zoom out to reveal Wander eating popcorn next to him) Wander: (with mouth full, spits popcorn everywhere) Hater, you found the perfect spot to watch the planets align! We're gonna have front row seats! Lord Hater: (shakes head) GET OUT OF HERE!!! Wander: Ooookeydoke! (tries to leave but slams into the forcefield) Bonk! (pauses, puts down popcorn) Sorry, Hater, I would if I could, (bangs it) but there seems to be some kind of forcefield! (shrugs) Peepers: (pants, bangs, stammers) Wander: (talks slowly) Sorry, I cannot give you any popcorn! There is a forcefield! (Lord Hater screams loud and very long, causing the forcefield to deactivate) Wander: (slightly terrified) Here you go. (gives the popcorn to Peepers, a laser blasts below him, he runs) Lord Hater: RAAWWWWWWW!!! (running) GET BACK HERE!! (Camera shifts to them running down the tower) Lord Hater: SLOW DOWN!! I JUST WANT TO DESTROY YOU!! Wander: Sorry Lord Hater, did you want the mayo? (A long chase montage plays, finishing at the crater cliff from earlier) Lord Hater: (panting) Wander: You know what, Hater? I was wrong, this is the perfect watchin' spot! You can see everything from up here: (Lord Hater stalks over him) the pyramid, the planets, that shark guy about to receive some sort of ultimate cosmic power... Lord Hater: Huh? (Camera zooms to Emperor Awesome standing on the tower) Awesome! Awesome: Uh, uh, oh, yeah! Lord Hater: No, no, no, nononononononononononononooooo! (runs off) Wander: Ugh, okay, go, but I still think this is the best watchin' spot. (Zoom out to show Lord Hater running) Lord Hater: Nooooooooooooooooooooo! (plows through the Fist Fighters) No! (runs up the tower) No! (grabs the dinosaur's tail) No! (throws it far away) Noooooooooooooooooo! Peepers: (runs behind him) Yes! Yes! Ye-e-e-es! (Close up on Emperor Awesome, he looks up. Pan upwards to show the planets fully aligning. Once they line up, they glow, and white pixels get sent to the golden control unit on the tower) Awesome: You lose, Hatey! Ha ha! The universe is – Lord Hater: (punches him out of the way) No! (Camera shows Emperor Awesome get kicked off the planet) Lord Hater: Yeah! Lord Hater, number one superstarrrrrrr! Peepers: (runs up to him) Ruler of the entire universe! (The tower's control unit glows and opens up, revealing a screen. After several seconds, a computer face appears on it) Celestial Being: Hey there. So, uh...I'll be the one granting your wish today. Kay? Lord Hater: Yes! I wish... Wander: (offscreen) You know, Hater? When you're right, you're right. (Scene cuts to him with his camera) Best. (takes picture) Spot. (takes picture) EVER! (takes picture) Peepers: (charges) RAWWWWWWWWW! (Wander takes his picture, straining his eye) OW! MY EYE! Celestial Being: Soooo, this wish, is this a thing you're still wanting, or no? Lord Hater: Eeyes! Of course! I wish... Wander: (looks at the Celestial Being) Look at that guy! He is just out of this world! (takes his picture) Literally. (takes two more pictures) Lord Hater: I wish – Wander: (tugging his robe) Okay, now, me and you. (sits on his shoulder and takes a self picture) Lord Hater: (pushes him off) I-I wish – Wander: (sits on his other shoulder) Now for this next one, make your silly face! Ya always have to take a silly one, 'ca – Lord Hater: (talking fast) I WISH YOU WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE FOR FIVE SECONDS!!! Celestial Being: Yeah okay, I can swing that. (The being's eyes glow and zap Wander, freezing him) Lord Hater: Huh? No, no, no, I mean – uh – that is not what I meant! (Peepers facepalms, followed by the Watchdogs and Fist Fighters) Lord Hater: Uh, do-over! DO-OVER!!! Celestial Being: Sorry, uh, maybe next millennium. (The screen turns off and the planets disalign) Peepers: 3...2...1. (points) (Wander unfreezes) Wander: ...'Cause a silly photo shows you're havin' fun. And you always want to remember how much fun you had on a day like today. Don't cha, Hater? (He gets in front of them and takes one final picture. Camera shows a close up of the same photo, Wander brings it down, Lord Hater and Peepers' eyes are red and steaming) Wander: That one's a keeper. (puts the photo in Lord Hater's pocket and slips off) (Lord Hater and Peepers fall backwards down the tower. Wander looks at this, we hear a flushing sound as he looks back. Camera widens to reveal a restroom on the back of the tower's control unit. Sylvia comes out, holding some newspaper) Sylvia: Glorn all mighty. Sure are some fancy bathrooms they got here. (walks up to Wander) So, what'd I miss? Wander: Well... (He holds up the pictures he took, camera zooms in on them as one of them falls out of his hand) Doodley doot da doot doot Category:Transcripts